SCENE: THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
LOCATION: BOZZ'S PRIMARY "CARE" PHYSICIAN
CAST: OUR HERO, HIS DOCTOR "RENDER", HIS DOCTOR'S NURSE "CONSUELA"

CONSUELA:"Meessttteer Boozzzzzzzzz?"

Bozz stands up, slowly, obviously not well, and walks toward the examination room. He is visibly sweating and shivering.
CONSUELA:"Lit me wayyyyy you fhirst"

Bozz looks a little confused, he doesn't understand what his weight has to do with his condition, but manfully tries to balance on the scales despite shivering so hard the he falls off. Twice.
CONSUELA:
"So wet is the raisin fer ewer visit today?"

She says, pursing her lips to form the words correctly.
BOZZ:
"Well, I've been feverish and I really haven't been feeling well the last couple ......"

She walks away, ignoring Bozz's explanation. Bozz follows her to to an exam room where she haves him removes his sweatshirt and takes his pulse, BP and temperature.

CONSUELA:"No fhevverr for u today."

She says it as if it is an accusation, as if the fact the he is shivering and that his teeshirt is soaked is some kind of ploy.

CONSUELA:
"Pleeze weight hier fer de Doctori"

Bozz reaches for his sweatshirt.

CONSUELA:
"LHEAVE SWIETESHEERT OFFF!"
"Plaze"

She leaves the room. Bozz grabs the sweatshirt and droops it over his shoulders. He looks around the small, slightly seedy examination room, halfheartedly staring at the cartoons cut out from the New Yorker pinned to the bullentin board.

Doctor Render enters the rooms. He is a generic 50's man who obviously tries to be cordial but doesn't really understand the concept.

DOC R:
(Disinterestingly)"So what seems to be the problem?"

"I'm fucking dying you idiot" Bozz thinks but refrains from voicing.

As he tries to make eye contact with Bozz, his demeanor changes because its obvious that the story about Bozz been a time-wasting loser that his nurse has fed him is wrong.

DOC R:
Thinks to himself "This guy actually looks ill. Better tred carefully here"

BOZZ:
Well Doc, I been feeling really bad ....
Bozz runs through a series of symptoms

DOC R:
"Hmmm. Have you been over seas lately?"

Bozz nods no

DOC R:
"Rash? Sore throat? Runny nose?"

Bozz nods no to all of them. Doc R starts to examine Bozz but as his hands go to his forehead (presumbly to check for lice) he stops. The guys is clammy but the case sheet the nurse filled out says no temperature. He continues his exam.

DOC R:
"Any problem urinating - redness, soreness, pain ...... blood?"

He raises his eyebrow dramatically at the mention of blood. Ah yes, of course, Bozz forgot to mention the gallons of blood this his penis has dispensed at every opportunity.

BOZZ:
"No, no blood. Other than feeling really .... ill .... I don't have any other symptons than the ones I mentioned"

Doc ponders for a minute. Wait a minute, this guys a diabetic, bet I can pass it off as that.

DOC R:
"How has your Blood Glucose level been?"

He waits with a smug, triumphant grin, safe in the knowledge that either Bozz hasn't been testing it or its out of whack. He is wrong on both counts.

BOZZ:
"It was a touch elevated yesterday but still within limits, just higher than it normally is. I tested it about an hour ago and it was exactly what is should be."

Doc forces a smile. This guy has been in his exam room for at least 5mins. He doesn't get paid to spend this kind of time with patients. Doc R smiles in a way the he thinks is both light hearted and comforting. It reminds Bozz of a shark circling a fish with a damaged fin.

DOC R:
"Well aren't you the mixed bag of mystery symptoms? Your sumptoms are certainly consistent with some form of infection but without you exhibiting some primary symptoms, I'm not sure what it is. Go to the blood center and a get a blood culture and urinalysis and come back and see me Monday. I'll give you some Cipro - its good strong antibiotic and make sure you drink plenty of fluids."

His wisdom dispensed, the Doc leads Bozz up to the front desk. As he walks away he turns back and addresses Bozz, a worried little frown on his face:

DOC R:
"Colin, if you feel worse between now and Monday, you should call somebody?"

Call somebody? How about you asshole? Ohhhh that's right, you don't do Fridays or weekends.

To be continued